कब बहा आँखो से ...
ज़बां पर आया तो कुछ खारा सा महसूस होता है ..
यूं तो शामिल नही थे खेल में किसी ..
पर आज कुछ हारा सा महसूस होता है ..
लोग़ जलते है देख कर हंसी मेरी
लोग़ जलते है देख कर हंसी मेरी ..
पर इल्म नही उनको
मुझे ख़ुद को कितना नकारा सा महसूस होता है ...
Book of short stories...incorrigible love smitten people
Initially everything seems so pleasant . Asking for pics, messages since morning till night, daily chitchat n all that lovey dovey stuff.
But like everything else, that feeling of excitement also subsides..
.fades away,eroding you slowly each day.
When you get into that easy phase, you feel you have gotten love of your life..that you always craved for.
Then comes the truth and that too doesnt come like a jolt.it creeps like an eerie snake under the door.You notice that awkwardness in tone or in messages but you shove off the feeling because you dont want to believe that you have lost it again.haha..a funny feeling indeed ..then you counter and then you lose it again.you sulk and crib and ponder.and accept finally and try to move on.End of a very short story. And now ,rather than becoming a novel you end up being an unpublished "Book of short stories.
BY..THE WAY
अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ,
ये अहसास भी ख़ुद में कितना सही है ..
पेहले लगता था कोई मेरे लिए भी कहीँ है ,
अब मैं ख़ुद में ही पूर्ण हूँ ,
औऱ शायद सच भी यही है ,
कि अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ..
आज़ भी वक्त पेहले ही है जैसा ,
मेरे हालात, मेरे जज्बात ,वही है
कोई दस्तक है देता तो भी मौन ही रहता है मन ,
पर अब, मन की आवाज़ सुनाई दे रही है ,
हाँ अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ,
औऱ ये अहसास भी अपने में कितना सही है ...
कितना वीराना सा लगता था सब कुछ ,
अब वीराना में लगता है सब कुछ,
औऱ जब सब कुछ पा ही लिया है ,
किसी से कोई तवक्कौ नही है ,
अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ,
ये अहसास सच में कितना सही है ..
तवक्कौ- expectation /hope
Copyrights@Babita Yadav2019
Amazingly ,I dont feel i have actually spent 47 years on this earth .I still feel the same all through these years.slight modifications in my behaviour but not an iota of change in my inner nature i.e soul.Soul doesn't get old.
Life is not about knowing "Life" , but about knowing "oneself.To know oneself is to know ones true nature.We sheepishly follow the rules laid by society.When we are kids we are free but as soon as we grow a little, our parents, teachers, friends start giving us so called Gyaan .Gradually to adjust or to "Fit in" we start giving up our true nature and behave the way we are programmed to.
A child during infancy has his "Tenth door" or crown chakra or "fontannel" opened up ..he still receives energy from higher conciousness but soon, it gets closed.The child is blissful always and euphoric ,ecstatic stage.Ever smiling and joyful .But , this connect is lost, he becomes worrisome, anxious and irritable.Now he is into all other nine openings but not at all receiving energy from "Dasam dwaar" ..the tenth door.
He forgets his true nature and becomes robotic.His emotions leafing him and emotions too are manipulated by people around and media .
To know yourself , get back atleast 10 years back in time .suppose you are of 40 years.go back when you were 30 years.Try to remember few major events of your life.flashed thorough your mind.and observe tbe way these incidents make u feel.write down the main points that come across your mind.
Now, go back 10 more years back when you were in 20s and try to remember how you were at that time.what made you excited n joyful.Take notes again ..feel te same way ..notice what emotions were dominant .
Then go back further 10 years and repeat..go back to the earliest memories of your childhood.( mostly people remember upto 2 or 2.5 years)
Now that you have taken note of your main events and also the feelings..you will notice something common in all these incidents .The inside of you..your inner self must have been consistent .Thats your soul which doesnt grow old...thats the true YOU.Tap into that feeling once again and nurture it.aStart doing these small things which made you happy and connected.And see how life turns out to be same .Fall into love with yourself once more.Dont be hopeful and wait till infinity, for hope according to me is begging for a promising future.Belive and trust have faith because faith is confidence.
Get up and be yourself ..dont follow the herd .
Amazingly ,I dont feel i have actually spent 47 years on this earth .I still feel the same all through these years.slight modifications in my behaviour but not an iota of change in my inner nature i.e soul.Soul doesn't get old.
Life is not about knowing "Life" , but about knowing "oneself.To know oneself is to know ones true nature.We sheepishly follow the rules laid by society.When we are kids we are free but as soon as we grow a little, our parents, teachers, friends start giving us so called Gyaan .Gradually to adjust or to "Fit in" we start giving up our true nature and behave the way we are programmed to.
A child during infancy has his "Tenth door" or crown chakra or frontal opened up ..he still receives energy from higher conciousness but soon, it gets closed.The child is blissful always and euphoric ,ecstatic stage.Ever smiling and joyful .But , this connect is lost, he becomes worrisome, anxious and irritable.Now he is into all other nine openings but not at all receiving energy from "Dasam dwaar" ..the tenth door.
He forgets his true nature and becomes robotic.His emotions leafing him and emotions too are manipulated by people around and media .
To know yourself , get back atleast 10 years back in time .suppose you are of 40 years.go back when you were 30 years.Try to remember few major events of your life.flashed thorough your mind.and observe tbe way these incidents make u feel.write down the main points that come across your mind.
Now, go back 10 more years back when you were in 20s and try to remember how you were at that time.what made you excited n joyful.Take notes again ..feel te same way ..notice what emotions were dominant .
Then go back further 10 years and repeat..go back to the earliest memories of your childhood.( mostly people remember upto 2 or 2.5 years)
Now that you have taken note of your main events and also the feelings..you will notice something common in all these incidents .The inside of you..your inner self must have been consistent .Thats your soul which doesnt grow old...thats the true YOU.Tap into that feeling once again and nurture it.aStart doing these small things which made you happy and connected.And see how life turns out to be same .Fall into love with yourself once more.Dont be hopeful and wait till infinity, for hope according to me is begging for a promising future.Belive and trust have faith because faith is confidence.
Get up and be yourself ..dont follow the herd .
Uhmm...where to start..
The way we met was strange ,not because we got to know each other through very doubtful platform,but because we now each other rather feel about each other at totally different levels.
Yeah,i know, what people might call it..mere attraction between two genders.Attraction definately has a role to play but when it goes beyond that its magic...plain magic.
Initial inhibitions,obvious control of expression due to past experiences, didnt let me open up .Although, one knows that he or she can believe or trust this relationship or not.
But consistency you showed and the way your vibrant energy overpowered my doubts was overwhelming.
I just couldn't stop myself from being candidly involved with you.And yes, eyes convey all.They say eyes are windows to ones soul.I say, they are the doorway to the soul and tge real you.Your eyes are more talkative than you actually are.Curious, naughty, seeking and very authentic pair of gleaming windows....I wish to gaze through and know you entirely .
You wont believe, how muçh blessed and fortunate i feel to have you.
'Fear of losing you' or 'if i am.desiring something i m not supposed to' feeling was there.Then i swept by flow n thats the only way probably.
"Wrong or right" no one can judge , except your own conciousness.If one is true to oneself thts enough.
Afterall, we are "Pawns" in the game called "God's chess" so let him play.I have surrendered as one of the pawns as "Queen of heart"and i know i have a fair chance to have you as my "King of heart".
Dripped, soaked in blissful loving warmth of yours for now..let me enjoy for a while until it lasts.
Uhmm...where to start..
The way we met was strange ,not because we got to know each other through very doubtful platform,but because we now each other rather feel about each other at totally different levels.
Yeah,i know, what people might call it..mere attraction between two genders.Attraction definately has a role to play but when it goes beyond that its magic...plain magic.
Initial inhibitions,obvious control of expression due to past experiences, didnt let me open up .Although, one knows that he or she can believe or trust this relationship or not.
But consistency you showed and the way your vibrant energy overpowered my doubts was overwhelming.
I just couldn't stop myself from being candidly involved with you.And yes, eyes convey all.They say eyes are windows to ones soul.I say, they are the doorway to the soul and tge real you.Your eyes are more talkative than you actually are.Curious, naughty, seeking and very authentic pair of gleaming windows....I wish to gaze through and know you entirely .
You wont believe, how muçh blessed and fortunate i feel to have you.
'Fear of losing you' or 'if i am.desiring something i m not supposed to' feeling was there.Then i swept by flow n thats the only way probably.
"Wrong or right" no one can judge , except your own conciousness.If one is true to oneself thts enough.
Afterall, we are "Pawns" in the game called "GODS PROWESS" so let him play.I have surrendered as one of the pawns as "Queen of heart"and i know i have a fair chance to have you as my "King of heart".
Dripped, soaked in blissful loving warmth of yours for now..let me enjoy for a while until it lasts.
Last week ,i decided to meet my friend my childhood friend.She been on leave these days n luckily me too .Its been almost an year we had met
,though we communicate daily through "good morning "message, the very first message on my watsapp.
Inspiration was the movie ""sonata",by Aparna sen , casting Shabana Azmi and Lillette Dubey .Beautiful short movie, about friendship of two lonely women.
At this stage of my age, i realised we seldom cherish most capable and soulful relations.We take such relation for granted ,rather, we should love and give time to.Perhaps because we know, these people will stay by us.We forget that unkempt yet most beautiful bushes in garden need a little water too.So thats how i messaged her n asked her to meet at a place nearby , next week. I was excited so i reached almost half an hour early and she arrived on time.
We ordered few delicacies ,chatted and poured our hearts out like two over excited teenagers.
Still the same, non judgmental(perhaps pretending to be as with time our values too change but anyhow accepting ),laughter and deepest secrets shared n yes off course ,memories of old days were the topics.
With our kids grown, we should take time for ourselves, As women, we hardly think that we are human too.
It was a marvellous evening,well spent one, discussing life's complexities yet realising that simple joys are potent elixir for such mundane life.
Meeting a friend ,after long can be therapeutic and refreshing .Making most for our lost time, we giggled like kids, feeling rejuvenated n young once more .
Looking forward for more such evenings or afternoons( who knows nights too😊).
Afterall life is short to sulk and crib.
Let's play childhood-childhood again.
आज़ एक ख्याल रह रह कर आया है ,
सिर्फ ज़िन्दगी में प्यार कमाया है..
पता नही क्यूँ मतलबी ना हो पाये ,
दुनियावाले दुनियादारी ना सिखा पाए,
"कुछ पाने के लिए" न कुछ कर पाये,
आंसू छलक गयें बीती यादो के लिए ,
ख़ुद को आज़ काफ़ी खाली पाया है ,
पर सिर्फ ज़िन्दगी में प्यार कमाया है ...
कभी बिना कारण किसी के हंसी बने ,
कभी कभी अपनो से मात भी खायी ,
पर "जीतने के लिए" कभी खेलना ना आया है,
आज़ ख़ुद को फिर अकेला पाया है ,
आज़ फिर ख्याल रह रह कर आया है ,
कि ज़िन्दगी में सिर्फ़ प्यार कमाया है...
क्या सोच कर आँखे है नम ?
क्या खुशियों के आगे ग़म पड़ गयें कम?
आज़ फ़िर मुस्कराहट सी है गयी तर,
आज़ फ़िर डूबा गया बीती बातों का भंवर ,
सब फ़िर रह रह कर याद आया है,
क्या करे ज़िंदगी में सिर्फ़ प्यार कमाया है ...
ख़ुद को बहुत अमीर सा महसूस हो रहा है,
दिल भी गद गद हो रहा है,
सरोबार सा क्यूँ इतना रो रहा है ,
सब लुट गया फ़िर भी शुक्रगुज़ार हो रहा है ,
आज़ एक ख्याल रह रह कर आया है ,
सिर्फ ज़िन्दगी में प्यार कमाया है ...
Copyrights reserved @Babita Yadav 2019
Finally..let go
Of all burdens of your mind..
Of memories of the beautiful bond
Of expectations n crazy ideas
Situation,people ,norms do get changed
So let go and let it unwind..
Rage boiling in you
For stabs at your back
By your own blood
Turning trust to dust
shattering feebly
Hollow smiles follow the grind..
Whom to believe, whom not to
Becomes a task
Tired of defying your belief n
Insomnia struck nights to haunt
Tranquillity smothered from behind..
Putting even "Brutus" to shame
"Plans"they call it
Tricking you in crafty game
You been mocked by those
whom you been always kind..
Like an overflowing urn
Copious foul thoughts
Let it flow and
let go
Of all burdens of your mind..
