Urn of my desires
I buried deep in my backyard
Thought no one would ever know
But once my loneliness
Came complaining and stuck on urn
Desire "to be loved" popped out
And coaxed me to have little fun.
Later this month
"Worthiness" was facing on low
Started to scratch the ground
And popped another desire
to do something meaningful
So my pen insisted n inked
my mind on paper
Creating a beautiful poem..
Then lately , my gypsy soul
Got excited and dug into terra
The urn tinkles once more
Desire to "travel n explore"
Beaches, hills and pilgrims
adding all in my bucket list .
Then,when i sat silently back home
Still not happy and quite bored
I took out the urn
Suddenly every desire flew up in sky
My hand searched inside the urn
Last broken penny in the end
Had lord's name engraved on its sides
I gripped it and felt my spirit soar
Closed my eyes and tears rolled down
When i opened my eyes
The urn was there no more..
May you burn slow in
cinders of self loath,
Longingness your
sole companion
And loneliness be
your only abode...
You poked me
Choked me
Forfeiting promises of love,
While i was slumbering
In my solitude
There you pricked me
On my weakest nerve...
You provoked desire to be
in love forever
Leaving me in lurch soon
thereafter,
Now walls of my ruins
hauntingly burst often
into insane laughter...
Sleathly morphed from
peaceful dreamer
to a grieving mourner,
My scathed heart
bestow you these words
As curse of a loner...
I grew up thinking💬💭
There is someone somewhere🤴👰
Then after long wait
I thought of anyone anywhre 🕵️♂️🕵️♀️
Finally i know its no one nowhere⚪❌✖ ...
जो मांग के मिले
वो इनायत नही चाहिये
जो दिल से निकले
वो शिकायत भी है क़बूल
वो झूठ से रंगी
सुर्ख मोहब्बत नही चाहिए
सच की स्याह में डूबी
तेरी हिक़ारत भी है क़बूल
Aaj bahut dino baad hwa chli hai
Shaqo ke pate ek doosre se baat kr rahe hai
Aankho ke pass namkeen boonde aaj gale tk giri nhi
Bas Sookh gyi
Hwa chli toh ahsaas hua ki tum ho
Kyunki khoshboo mei tumhari pehchan thi
Warna shayad the toh tum pehle bhi
Aaj dhoop ki chubhan km lg rhi hai
Geet ke mtlb bhi samjh aarhe hai
Kyunki aaj bahut dino baad fir hwa chli hai
कब तक उठाए रंगीनियों का लुत्फ़ ,
कब तक मनाए जश्न ए आशिकी ,
एहसास सारे खुशनुमा ही हो ग़र ,
तो क्या ख़ाक बितायी जिंदगी ,
कभी ख़ुद क़ो समझने के लिए ,
कुछ फर्द भी जरूरी है ...
फलसफे दूसरो के पढ़े हमने ,
पर जान ना पाए कभी कुछ भी ,
जवाबों की कुछ इस क़दर थी तलाश,
कि आजमाइशों में गुजारी ये उम्र ,
फ़िर मालूम हुया सीखने कें लिऐ ,
कुछ दर्द भी जरूरी है ...
Kab tak uthaye ranginiyo ka lutf
Kab tak manaye zashn e ashiqui
Ehsaas sare khushnuma hi ho gar
Toh kya khaakh bitayi zindngi
Kbhi Khud ko samjnhne ke liye
kuch fard bhi zaruri hai....
Falsafe dusro ke pade humne
Per jaan n paye kbhi kuch bhi
Jawabo ki kuch is kadr thi talaash
Ki Aizmaish me guzari yeh umr
Fir malum huya seekhne ke liye
kuch dard bhi zaruri hai
I so want to be unashamed, ruthless
And so mean sometimes..
I.so wanna say i damn care
N move on
I so want to crush these myths surrounding my beliefs
I so wanna be just ME
Why we have to set ourselves in to moulds
People have laid for us
If i keep bending to fit in
I m so adorable
Only till i set myself free from
The golden cages of praises
There is heavy price to pay
Just to be original n insane
But to have thier love
I must obey, follow
However foolish i may remain.
When in the middle of night?
I start missing you
And let my tears flow..
I think of a five years old girl,
Who too misses you
Probably with more intensity..
But she is a child and
amuses herself quite easily too.
I feel petty n little,
But i still let myself cry,
I have an option to forget you,
For i am scared of darkness around me
With nothing to hold on to
Except that hope and that feel,
what i am.holding to
Why i am.holding to..
I have nothing to lose, i think
Or it is the last bet to which
I have given all .
I too want to be like that five years old
Who only knows one thing,
That you will be back soon..
Har insan ki yaha shrt hai
Shart saath dene ki
Rishte nibnne ki
Kuch bhi muft ka nhi
Ye bas ek bazaar hai
Chla tha mei kuch
Bemisal beshkimti rishte kamane
Kahi kahi toh kimate bahot hai jyda
Ab Chahte meri zaar zaar hai
Azab sa len den hai
Sharte manzoor ho to bolo
Agey bade saath
warna Agey bado tum
Char gram mere hisab se chaloge
Toh 4 saal ka rishta tolo..
Mol lekr hi lena tha
Toh le leta ek kitaab
Aur kuch khali kagaz bahot hai
Likhlikh sau sard kah deta
Pad pad kuch aansu ro leta
Itna sab ho jane perbhi
Kagaz mange nhi hisaab.
Har insaan ki yaha shart hai
Shart dost banane ki
Aur kuch kadam saath milane ki
जल जल के बुझी हैं कई बार सनम ,
अरसो से ,बरसो तक सुलगी हैं ,
इतनी हवा ना दो ,राखे -ए -मोहब्बत क़ो ,
ये कहीं आग बन जाएगी ...
बड़ी मुश्किल से दबा रखी हैं दिल में,
जज्बातों की लहर,
तुम इतना प्यार लुटाते रहोगे तों ,
सैलाब, ये बेहिसाब बन जाएगी ...
क्यूं तेरी आंख मे आँसू आए
क्यूं तेरी यादों मे खुश्बू आयीं
क्यूं बैठी तू इंतजार मे ना आने वाली रेल के
अब साथ नहीं वो तेरे इस खेल में
जिनमे खेली थी तू छिपनछिपायी
वो कोइ औऱ ही शहर था ....
बचपना था ,नादानिया थी
संग था ,मेल था ,शैतानिया थी
तेरे दर्द में वो साथ था
पकड़ने वाला वो हाथ था
साथ था सुबह ,दोपहर ,रात का
हँसना खेलना समझने समझाने क़ा
वो कोइ औऱ ही दहर (era )था ...
तेरी बेल कुछ नाज़ुक सही
तुझे किसी दीवार की हैं खोज सी
ये हैरानिया, परेशानियां ज़िन्दगी की
हैं लगभग रोज़ ही
ना पेहले सा मौसम हैं अब
किसी पानी ,किसी मिटटी में ना हैं इतना दम
जो तेरी बेल क़ो सुखा गया
वो कोइ और ही जहर था ....
Whisper a lullaby in my ear
I need to sleep forever now
I got my dreams salvaged
the moment i laid my head in your lap.
Drifted back in womb of peace
Sheltered by your warm embrace
I slumber into tunnel of rebirth
Who wishes to leave this crib
Cocooned into your 'snuggle wrap'.
I had been meandering
through lives unknown
Karma chasing my battered soul
as i act over n over banal role
Let me lounge in the tranquil nap.
सबको अपने दिल का,
इक छोटा सा कोना ,
गुलज़ार करना पड़ता है कभी ...
कब तक पत्थर के मकान मे
दम तोडोगे ,
हाँ महफ़ूज़ हो वहाँ ,
पर जिंदा नहीं ;
कभी आबाद ,
कभी बरबाद होगा गुलज़ार,
माना होगे रंग वो ख़ुशबू भी,
पर चमन को ज़ार ज़ार करना
पड़ता है कभी ...
ख़ौफ़ ए दर्द से छिपे रहना,
अलग बात है ,
ख़्वाब देखना ,ख्वाब क़ो जीना ,
अलग बात है ,
अलसाई सी दीवानगी क़ो जगा ,
दिल की राहतों कें लिऐ ,
ख़ुद क़ो बेदार भी करना पडता हैं कभी ....
बेदार =wakeful
Locked the door my heart
N still i let one window open,
To let it breath..
To see people pass by and
peep through , into me.
The door when i opened,
Bought lot of chaos,
Lot of clutter,
Lot much noise
Lot much disturbance ...
But window, let me connect ,
To the world the way i wanna see..
Would i ever open the door,
Dont knock it
Dont keep waiting
There is no door bell either..
For i may let you inside,
And then you will reside there forever ,
Even when you will leave,
Your fragrance, your belongings,
will haunt me..
Will force me to think of you..
For how long i would let you
Stand in rain
In the sun
waiting, in the pain...
Dont wait....
My door is locked .
समेट रही हूँ ज़िन्दगी अपनी ,
कि इक छोटे से बक्से में आ जाये ,
पेहले फाडी पुरानी यादो के पन्ने ,
फ़िर तोड़े उलझे रिश्तो के धागे,
चटकायी शीशीयां कभि ना पूरी होने वाली,
आशाओ की एक एक कर,
अल्बम ,
कार्ड्स ,
सब रद्दी में डाले ,
दोस्ती जो खास थी ,
पुरानी थी ,
मजबूत थी,
तोड़ी मरोडी परखी थी,
वो बक्से में रखी ,
बाकी बनावटी चीज़े ,
टुकड़े कर फेंकी ,
और तों और ,
शौक हज़ारों थे पाले ,
अब कूच एक आध ही रख छोड़े है ,
ख़्वाब कुछ राख लिए ,
कुछ बेदर्दी से तोड़े है ,
अहसास ,जज्बात ,याद्श्त, भी
कम कर डाली ,
दिलो दिमाग भी ,
काफ़ी कर दिया हैं खाली,
वक्त हो चला हैं,
सफ़र आसान करने का ,
हाँ, अभी नहीं आया हैं मरने का ,
पर सामान कर ले जितना हल्का,
भरोसा भी क्या अब कल क़ा,
एक बक्सा भरा सारी उम्र के लिए काफ़ी हैं ,
शायद अभी अपनो की बेवफ़ाई क़ा ,
कुछ बोझ बाकी हैं ...
Feeling settled is a temoprary phase .infact a very unsettling feeling in itself.
We crave hard to find solace, that eternal happiness.which we think we will have if we get a compatible partner , a comfortable job or an unfulfilled desire being fulfilled.
As soon as we get all these after a bit of struggle, we start thinking of "what next" or "what if".
A young girl being coaxed by her parents or by society wants to gets married. Finds herself feel settled for a while until the scenario soon changes and people start coaxing her to start a family.life moves on...i guess there is no such thing as "settled" or "forever" .
We live moment to moment like when we play cards sometimes we get good cards and bad ones at other times.
But still winning or losing dsnt always depends on cards we get.Its the way we play or more importantly ,"do we play to win?" Or we play just to play for fun.
I think you know better.
So just play joyfully
My thoughts are quite simple ,
When i open my eyes in morning
I find you besides me
And to see your message first thing in dawn.
To ear you random talks
About life and laughter
To have your hugs once in a while.....
My dreams are miniscule too,
To write the words that woo a few
To have fond memories of my times
To be with my friends and loved ones
To make them grow and to smile...
My aspirations are not high as well ,
Just to be myself all through
My people understand me and accept
To have a place in thier heart
To let myself never go dull
My passion be forever agile...
Because my heart says....
That you are the one
destination of my wandering soul
That you are one i needed most
That you will hold my hand till the end...
Because my heart also says....
That you and me are so alike
That you too were lost searching for me
That you need me as much as i need you.
That you and me have each other as friend....
Because my heart murmurs each day this too.....
That there is no weariness anymore
That though its hurt many a times
That i still have belief in you
that love keeps you waiting
But now i have got it in in you.
Because my heart says many things...
And it keeps saying only one thing in many way
That YOU and ME gonna stay...
तुमने कब का रूख मोड लिया मेरे दर से
और सुखा गये मेरा गुलिस्ताँ
पर ना जाने क्यूं
जिस बगीचे में गुजारे पल हम दोनो ने
उस मे आज़ भी तेरी नाम कें गुलज़ार खिला करती है ..
अब लिखतें नहीं हम खास कुछ भी
गुमसुम से.रहा करते हैं
यहां वहाँ रखीं कुछ यादें हैं
हाँ आज़ भी मेरी किताबों में
अकसर तेरी तस्वीर मिला करती हैं ..
यूं तों उम्मीद नहीं तेरी वापसी की
ना अब कोई शिकवा ना रुस्वाइयाँ
पर कभी कभी मेरी शायरी बिलख कर
मेरी तन्हाइयों से
तेरे ना होने का गिला करती है ...
मेरे हमराज़ ,मेरे हमनवां ,
मेरी काबलियत ,मेरी नादानिया ,
मेरी रुस्वाइयाँ ,मेरी खामियाँ,
कोई बात नही ,जो तुझे बयां ना की ...
मेरी हसरतें ,मेरी इज़तिराब ,
मेरी ख़ुदगरज़ियां ,मेरी आज़ार ,
कुछ भी नही तुझसे हो पिनाह,
तेरे समने कभी हया ना की ...
मेरी रूह भी है शिकस्ता अब ,
तू कौन ऐसा है मेहरम,
तू रख दे हाथ मेरे ज़ख़्म पर ,
जो तेरे होते कभी कोई दवा ना की ..
इज़तिराब -restlessness
आज़ार -suffering
पिनाह-hidden
शिकस्ता -broken
हर दिये को दिखाने को इक सुरज होगा
हर वक्त पुराना होगा कभी
औऱ हर बीती याद भूलानी होगी
हर बारिश की उम्मीद में
हर धूप की तपिश सहनी होगी
हर दरख़्त की हरी शाख पर पतझड़ होगा
हर रौनक ए महल में कभी वीरानी होगी
हर पन्ने पर कई किस्से होंगे
धीरे धीरे फ़िर तेरी कहानी होगी
तू बन सकेगा समंदर या नही
बड़ी बात होगी जो
ज़िन्दगी तेरी दरिया क़ा पानी होगी .
Hold my hand once more,
I want to feel you all over again,
Your fingers intervened into mine,
YOU seeped in me
The way lilac bush stretches the roots
deep into terra,
Unfurl the bloom
Inside me once more
Hold my hand once more..
Sitting next to you,
Quietly, I discern,
The palms
The whorls on fingertips
The pinkness of nails
The knuckles
The grip..
And also
The initiative
The fervour
The effort
The thoughtfulness ...
Brushing fingers of mine,
'Thanking'a hundred times,
Could have held, not only your hand
But also the moment,
If i had the power of divine.
My pen has stopped bleeding,
My words don't ache anymore.
Wrenching, writhing, convulsive pain,
Of your departure,
Doesn't screeche the pages of soul,
Seems to found a fresh cure.
Layers of balm,
Flown through my eyes,
Have soothed the bruises,
Lightened the scars too,
that my heart used to bore.
Now that ,
My pen has stopped bleeding,
My words don't ache anymore.
No healer comes for rescue,
No shoulder to cry on ,
No caress would suffice,
And yes,
Time doesn't heal everything,
Wailing loud helps for sure..
So lemme write once more,
My pen has stopped bleeding,
My words don't ache anymore.
छेड़ दिया जो दिल के सुरों को ,
अन्ताक्षरी बन कर,
रह गया वो भी ,
तेरी नज़र में,
महज़ एक "खेल" बन कर ।
Not used to been loved,
Not used to have all that wooing;
Showered the concern,
The love endowed on me,
Seems all wrong i was been doing;
Been addicted, been intoxicated,
By you now,
This love of yours ,
making me feel just wow;
Take one at a time,
Make one at a time,
My angel,
You gonna make my wishes true,
Those have been kept queuing.
शायद अपने हिस्से से ज्यादा था मांगा ,
पर इतनी शिद्दत से मांगा,
कि ख़ुदा भी शर्मसार हो ,
किश्तों मे देता रहा ..
जानता था वो मेरे अपनो के दिए दर्द को,
कड़वाहट की जरूरत है,
पर मैं बरदाश्त कर सकूं ,
थोडी़ थोडी सी मिठास रिश्तों मे देता रहा ....
मायावी हैं सब ,
किस क़दर दिखावटी हैं ये संसार ,
जूनून ,सपनें, इच्छाए ,संघर्ष, अनुभव हैं,
मायावी है सब ,
सोच बैठा, मै जीता गया हूँ ,
पा लिया जो तुमको ,
आज़ हो ,कल नही रहोगे,
जो पहलू मे हो अब,
मायावी है सब
आया हूँ बस जीने क़ो,
धूप ,छाव, एक सिक्के के पहलु ,
आज़ रात गहन लगे बहुत है ,
भोर होगी रे कब ,
मायावी है सब ,
एक शून्य से दूजे शून्य तक,
समय मिला है साँसों मे बंध कर ,
सफ़र अनूठा ,मै एक मुसाफ़िर,
गन्तव्य देख निकल जायूंगा
सामान बटोरा,
छोड़ना होगा तब ,
मायावी है सब
मायावी है सब
क्या तेरी कहानी भी मेरी सी है ,?
कहानी हैं तों, कहानीकार भी होगा ;
मेरी कहानी कुछ खास नही हैं ,
नयी कुछ नही, का़फी पुरानी सी हैं ,
शायद किसी मोड़ पे कुछ गज़ब हो जाए,
मालूम हॊता हैं जैसे,
कभी कभार कोई चमत्कार भी होगा ;
वही सब हैं कहानी मे ,
एक नायिका, एक नायक,
न ,औऱ कई किरदार भी हैं ,
उन सब मे से कोई,
बेहतरीन कलाकार भी होगा ;
क्या तेरी कहानी भी मेरी सी है, ?
कहानी हैं तों कहानीकार भी होगा ;
सोची तों थी मैंने, अब लिख कोई और रहा हैं,
जी रही हूँ मै उस पात्र को ,
हाँ ,औऱ सारे भाव महसूस किये है इसमें ,
अंत भी लगता है शानदार ही होगा;
अरे रूको, ख़त्म नही हुई है ,
हाँ ,सबके मन की तो नही है ,
रोचक तो है ,रोमांच भी बहुत हैं ,
पढ़ने को कोई तलबगार भी होगा;
क्या तेरी कहानी भी मेरी सी है ?
कहानी हैं तों कहानीकार भी होगा ...
कुछ इस तरह भी हॊता है
जब सामने ख़्वाब पड़ा हो
हकीकत बन कर ...
औऱ हाथ बांधे दिए हो किसी
पुरानी रंजिश ने रीफाकत बन कर ...
A blurred dream before my eyes,
magical euphoria unrevealed,
Living a moment ,
Like an era,
As if known to you,
Since lifetimes..
Touches didnt touch me,
Rather i dissolved to the core,
Kisses soaked up,
Asking ,answering in one go,
Each time exploring more...
Your calming stillness,
beneath my sob,
A wave came crushing to a rock,
Splits into myriad prisms,
Before it submerged..
Those tears were real,
Those feelings were real too,
Engulfed in silent darkness,
You left a surreal dream,
On my palms,
N embers inside me,
On least expecting moment,
When blank phase ,
I was passing through...
I let my brook go dry,
The love that overflowed once,
those who soaked themselves,
N never cared,
Let them have a cry..
I let my brook go dry..
For if they have taken it granted,
Ruined it ,washed off thier sins,
Until the next rain,
Or perchance it may never again,
Too far their luck they try...
I let my brook go dry...
Sadism engulfing me,
As they yearn for me,
Cracks deepened in thier hearts ,
With each passing day
Murmuring my name in prayers
God too may turn deaf to,
Wailing clamour echoes the sky...
I let my brook go dry...
I have devoured,
the forbidden fruit,
And it tasted more tastier than
ambrosia of heavens..
Not once or twice?
Succumbed to sweet temptations,
let myself be,
lost in darkest caverns...
Credously walking behind ,
my uncouth desires,
Riding over my sanity,
Savoured times when,
My heart governs...
Dropping off my inhibitions,
As leaves shed by deciduous green,
In hope to rejuvenate its soul,
Illusionary wrong or right
Nothing my mind discerns...
We treat each other as objects
Object of interest
Object of desire
Object to be used
Object to entertain
Till the time it serves the purpose
Its there n trash after that.
Just had that thought again..
And my lips turned upwards..
My heart filled with unknown feeling..
When you held me in your arms.
Waiting ,craving,missing you..
All, at once, becomes so worthy..
When i see your smile n our gazes meet..
Very moment i go weak in knees..
Surrendering to your charms.
Yeah ,i know there is no bond..
But i still, am a human..
I doubt ,i question, and i ponder...
Till the time you come n drizzle..
On my embered qualms.
For long i have been holding the truth
The fireball in my hand
My throat charred .
Having gulped down the molten lava , of unspoken sinister thoughts
I may seem calm for a while
But will spit fire one day..
Dont think you forever will remain unscathed
For i m.holding the reign
Once i m.done with my immense patience
Will throwout all the bile of pain
Its just you hv seen embers through my eyes
You hvnt still seen what savage i play....
I let you take the control
N let ur feeble mind do the tricks
Like a butcher feeds the chicks day before
but the very next day makes sure.
I wont let you escape tht day
From my uncanny skill to slay....
लगता है हम mature हो गयें finally ..
अब फर्क पड़ता नहीं छोटी छोटी रुसवाइयों का ..
एक मुस्कराहट सी तैर जाती है होंटों पर ,
कोई पुराना दोस्त भी मुंह मोड ले जब ,
कोई अपना भी manipulate कर ले तों ,
लगता है हम emotionally secure हो गए है finally ..
पेहले रोते थे बहुत तकिये मे मुंह छिपा कर,
भूले जाते थे लोगो काम निकल जाने पर ,
पेहले डर लगता था ज़माने क़ा,
अब लगता है क्या ख़ुश करने आये थे इनको ?
खोते खोते पाया है ख़ुद को ,
लगता है हम enlightened हो गए finally ..
I just had a beautiful dream of yours
N i believe truely in dreams..
Wondering how enchanting its all woven
When two destinies meet.
An intricate plan this universe schemes ..
You can win me over
With potion of words...
As words charm me
N.i slip into unending trance...
You really dont have to be a prince
But if you are a magician
Who plays with words n cast a spell
You stand a fair chance ....
I would love to be wrapped
Into soft delicately woven quilt
N let myself feel your warmth
Of each word you say
Let my imagination enhance...
If you could lay down way
of cleverly put words
beneath my feet
Watch me walk over cloud 9 with
That slow exquisite prance
ख़्वाबिदा सी जिंदगी
जूस्तूजू मे तेरी बीती
इतनी चाँदनी बटोरी गफ़लत की रातों की
कि जिंदगी मेरी महताब हो गयी ..
मुन्तजिर अब बरदाश्त के परे हैं
जख्म वैसे अब भी हरे हैं
ना अब मालूम हॊता हैं दर्द कि
तेरी दूरियां की दयार बेहिसाब हो गयी ...
सालों से भरी आंखों मे नमी
ना जाने कहाँ जा कर थमी
बेजवाब सवालो के भार से
अश्को की नदी आज़ शराब हो गयी ..
तेरी ख़बर नहीं आयी
ना आए तुम कभी
सुन सुन तेरी कहानियां औरो से
मै ना जाने कब ईक क़िताब हो गयी ..
जिसको चाहो दिल से,
उसे जीने दो और जाने दो ..
जिसको होना है तुम्हारा
उसे तुम्हारा प्यारे कमाने दो ...
whom you love deeply ,
let him live ,
N let go ...
who wants to be yours
let him earn your love ....
BY..the way
बहने से पेहले ये कहर ,
एक पूरा दरिया आंखो मे समाया तो था ;
तेरे दर पर मोहब्बत मेरी ,
दफ़नाने से, कुछ पेहले मैं वहाँ आया तो था।
आज़ जला रही हूँ सब
कमरें में रखी फ़ालतू पुरानी चीजे
कुछ उलझी तारे ईअर फ़ोन की
कुछ रंग बदलने वाले कार्ड
कुछ कभी कभी काम आनें वाली छतरियां
कुछ सुनहले दिखने वाले गले हुए फ़ूल
कुछ मीठी पुरानी गोलिया
कुछ यादों में लिपटी तस्वीरे
कपड़े जो अब घिस चूके है
और आँसूओं से बेरंग हुऐ रूमाल
एक नींद ना आने पर लिपट कर सोने के लिए सॉफ्ट टॉय
कुछ कई बार जोडें गए चार्जर
कुछ फलसफो की किताबे
जो कभी कारगर ना हुई
एक पुरानी फोन डायरी
और वक्त बेवक्त काम आनें वाली ढेरो चीज़े
सुलगा के सब राख हो जायँगे
जो बचेगा इस अग्नि परीक्षा से
उसे मैं रख लूंगी वापस .....सदा के लिए
तुम्हारे घर की उस चौखट तक
मैंने कुछ पत्थर रखे थे रंग बिरंगे
धूप छांव हर मौसम में मैं
उन पर चल तुम तक पहुँच थी पाती
कुछ इस तरह रखी दरमियाँ वो पत्थर
इस क़दर याद पड़े थे
बिन फिसले बरसात में भीगी थी मैं
और अंधेरे में तुम हाथ बांध मौन खड़े थे
भूली भटकी हर डगर मैं फिर भी
हर राह मुझे वही ले जाती ..
जून की तपती दोपहर
पाँव मेरे भी जल थे जाते
आंखे मीचे ढक हाथों से
वो हरा मख़मली दुपट्टा सर पर रख
तुम्हारी ठंडी आगोश की चाह में
चार क़दम उस दूरी के
सौ मीलों सा अहसास कराती ..
मौसम बीते , बीते साल
ना रही ठण्ड अब ,ना रहा मलाल
गुजर गयें वो धूप और बारिश
थी किस्मत की या तेरी साज़िश
हाँ याद साथ है आज भी सारी
कि जब देखूँ कहीँ रंगीन पत्थर
चाहते फ़िर एक बार लौट है आती ..
This time i wont save your random pics
This time i wont even save our chats
This time i wont get carried away by that emotion
This time neither i would beg to 'have you'
This time i wont obsessively check your ''last seen'
This time i wont run n tuck my untamed curls before your video Call
This time i wont even put favourite lipgloss to showoff
This time i would let u see how i look when i just getup
This time i wont let my fears win over
This time i wont even try to "win over"
This time i wont cry if you leave
This time i will be "just me"
This time i will let 'universe' decide what i deserve
This time i will never say never
This time i.will gaze through your eyes for honesty
This time i wont let your words distract me
This time i wont try to please you
This time i wont i would prefer you n me unmasked
This time i wont let my insecurities be unleashed
This time is the time i need to heal
This time is the time to witness the magic This time is the time to experience euphoric feel
This time is all i have with me
This time i will capture it all in my soul...
Sunday 3rd march 2019
As i sit in Sun...reading Newspaper "The 'Sunday Times", flooded with stories on fearless women, acid attack survivors and one who battled through thier lives to success.Although being successful is just not about making it through pages of sunday times , its about overcoming you mishaps and being happy with yourself too.
Be it woman or man or anyone, overcoming your fears and struggles itself is something to be applauded for.
When we are okay we never think that way.We think we will never have problems .Our health and situation will be same forever..but real challenge occurs when we go through turbulence .Like for instance some ailment or loss or financial problems.The value of life is realised during such times.
We feel blessed just to be alive and kicking .We stop comparing ourselves with others.We stop feeling pangs of being incompetent , seeing pics of acquaintances ,uploaded on fb.We just understand thier situation is diffrent from ours.
When during such days, i suffered blow of pain in lower back due to some inflammation in pelvic bone and i wasnt as active as before.Simple tasks like washing hair and getting up from bed or rolling on bed became a task ,awfully painful.Gradually i modified my lifestyle to adapt myself to pain.
Also, i became more grateful to almighty because such days ,give you insights on "what all" n "who all" are important to you.
It surprises me that how aptly people do pour in ..in just right time in my life to teach me the value of life and how everything is so perfect around us.
My friends,family ,job is just right for given circumstances .When you change the way you think life becomes a blessing.
When you are running after unrealistic goals you become victim of your fancies n get exhausted.Yesterday while listening to the audiobook "Tao..the way of life", i noticed life is just about accepting gracefully.it was more like "Bhagvat Gita where they say, do your karma and let go.'Go with flow'or rather 'be the flow".
Life has been full of treasures in form of miracles unfolding on right time.
मैं रुक गया इंतजार में
बैठ गया तेरी राह में
देख सका ना की कहीँ
ख़ुश दिली का मंज़र भी है ..
हर दर को तेरी दरगाह समझ
सर झुका कर सजदा कीया
ख़ुद को प्यास से मरता पाया
तो पता चला
मेरे अन्दर इक समन्दर भी है ...
हम एक बूँद को तरसते रहे
तुम बंजरो पर बरसते रहे ....
हम एक बूँद को तरसते रहे
तुम बंजरो पर बरसते रहे ....
दूर इतनी दूरियां थी
फ़िर भी थक कर भी हम चलते रहे
तू छिप बैठा किसी कि ओट में ..
तेरे दीदार को हम मचलते रहे ..
तू गया बुझा कुछ इस कदर ,
तू बुझा गया कुछ इस कदर ,
तेरी याद -ए -तपिश में सुलगते रहे ,
और तमाम उम्र इस रोष में ,
आग हम उगलते रहे ...
हर तरफ़ बिखरी टूटी आत्माओ का मेला है ..
फ़िर भी हर श्क्स कितना अकेला है ..
क्या है जो रोकता गले लगाने से
शायद कोई भाव नादानी का
या नशा गुरूर का
वरना रोने को भी एक कन्धा हो
और बेवज़ह हंसने का हो सिलसिला
एक रौशनी को तरस रहे सब
पर अन्धकार दिलो में फ़ैला है ..
उमर या तजुर्बे जब
धो देंगे सारी दूरियां
समझ आएगा जब तलक
बढ़ ना जाये मजबूरियां
सिमट कर रह ना जाये कही
अपने ही दरीचे में
कि ऊँचाई दीवारो की नाप भी ना पायेगे
वक्त ही केवल गवाह होगा
कि किसने कितना जीवन झेला है ..
The mighty kingfisher once flew high...
Soaring amidst clouds, piercing the sky ..
Off the shore above in distance..
He knew skilfully how to capture his prey
he often dives into ocean
Devour and once more swift high to stray..
Every bird has to come to ground,
How much high may it flies ,
He too got his share on shore
Much to his soul n heart can suffice..
He desired to make home with mate
settle there for rest of his life,
Not knowing that he had stepped a trap,
Wounded in attempt to set him free
Got hurt as more he would strive..
Now ,lies there, with broken wings.
Depleted,by endless trials in vain,
Shielding his blue armour,
Only ocean as witness,
to his silent wails in pain.
Copyrights reserved @Babita Yadav 2019
सुनो ,तुम मुझे अपना बना लो ...
मैं ख़ुद की भी नही हूँ
किसी और की भी नही हूँ
रुकी हुई उस घड़ी की तरह
घर के कोने मे बिन बात पड़ी हूँ
शायद किसी के पास वक्त नही
या मेरा वक्त कभी आया नही
तुम मेरी रूकी धड़कनों को चला दो ..
सुनो ,तुम मुझे अपना बना लो ...
मुझे भी बनना है गुरूर किसीका
किसी औऱ के पास देख दिल जले किसीका
मेरे रूठने से फर्क पड़े किसी को
कि तुम मचल के मुझ को मना लो ...
सुनो ,तुम मुझे अपना बना लो ...
मेरे अरमान दम तोड़ रहे है सर्द राहों मे
औऱ नही दम लड़ने का ज़माने से
कि छुपा लो मुझे अपनी पनाहों में
मुझे चाहिए कुछ पल सुकून के
औऱ कुछ देर मुझे अपने में समा लो ...
सुनो ,तुम मुझे अपना बना लो
Ever witnessed death of feeling?
A feeling that was once joyous ,alive laughing and was carefree .
A feeling which was born as sapling in warm rainy day under that tree,where two hearts use to sit near Tea stall.
Each passing day the "Feeling" grew stronger.mature and deep as two hearts coo tbe sweet song of love.Time, warmth and purest emotions enriched the soil whre that feeling grew .Excitement , anxiety, butterflies in stomach of intial days transformed into bonding, caring and craving.
The tendrils of sapling now wanted to reach out to the stem of tree.It climbed n cling to tree curling itself on the tree and got committed.
Soon to grow more secure..the tendrils penetrated deep into tree spreading all over.
Now it was difficult to make out the diffrence in two.Flowers bloomed.fragrances lingered in air .winds of love blew over n two danced together.soon the tendrils grasped the life out of tree, thinking it will make the feeling more intense.But unlike its expectation tree suffocated.The commitment loosened and tendrils too went pale , shedding its green lush sheen and fell on ground .
The feeling of joy, love all breathed thier last .lifeless feeling decayed under the tree and vanished somewhere in soil
Yeah..thats how a feeling died without making noise and the only witness were those two hearts who met there under the tree....near the Tea stall.
Copyrights reserved @ Babita Yadav 2019
They say
I dont have love line on my palm..
I say i have seen lines been changed over years...
They say
I dont stand a chance in "game of love"
I say i never play to win..
They say
i am wasting my time in forlorn hope
I say life itself is a waste without that hope.
They say
the word love is misnomer, an illusion ,overrated too.
I say so do word GOD is ..for some.
They say
love is "hollow"..
I say only hollow things can hold goodness...
They say
its a deal, mere attraction,
I say when did a mother wanted back the love she bestowed...
They say
it used to there once and now has changed..
I say so are forests, rivers n mountains .
They say
its rush of hormones,
I say lets experience that "High".
They say
nothing stays forever,
I say neither me n you will stay too...
Marna sabko hai
Per iska koi hisab nhi.
Jojaan kurbaan kiye jatey hm pr
Us jaanbazi ka khitaab nhi..
Sawaalo se joojh raha hai mnn
Yu gawani pdi zindgi toh
Is ranjisho ka koi jawab nhi
मरना सबको है एक दिन
पर इस कहर का कोई हिसाब नही ..
जो जां कुर्बान करे हम पर
उसका जानबाज़ी का कोई खिताब नही .
सवालों से झूझ रहा है मन कल से
यूं गंवानी पड़े ज़िंदगी तो
इस रंजिशों का कोई ज़वाब नही
JIGSAW….
Once I cried and cried as if will drown the city. It’s not once that I cried ,I cried for months and years. The first heartbreak does it you first rejection, first love. Anyway it’s just an incident that happens almost to everyone during those years.
During such incidents, we are forced to think why did it happen to me? Why ? Because, I never deserved this. When you have put all your efforts, your good intent and when you are naïve and innocent, you shouldn’t have got into such mess. Or when you lose your loved ones to death. You just can’t handle all the “whys” hovering inside your head.
You grieve over the loss, think of all reasons to justify; still loads of pondering and insomniac rally of thoughts don’t lead to anywhere. Gradually you move on. “Time heals” and you get healed, scar remains and finally that too is vanished.
You, at few moments, still feel that lump in your throat but you overcome but that “Why” keeps erupting in mind.
You must have played jigsaw puzzle in your childhood or with your kids probably. I had this very vast jigsaw game, I used to play with my son when he was a kid. There were number of pieces made out of colored cardboard with some meaningless picture on it, the game was quite a mess in itself. I never wanted to play it but my son would insist. Those pieces of jigsaw didn’t make any sense to me.
But then I decided to arrange one by one, initially two then more, and as few hours passed by, we both so engaged and could manage to make at least few patches and could see some meaningful pictures emerging out.
Then we started enjoying the game. After struggling for many hours which we thoroughly enjoyed we saw a beautiful landscape in front of us.
Now when , after so many years and so many incidents that prompted me to ask Why in my life, I could make out that every why was like a piece of jigsaw, nothing in itself but crucial part of a beautiful landscape ,my life.
Every incident however sad had always a meaning but unless we patiently keep on living with attitude of surrender and with the faith that our life is going to be beautiful journey we never ever will get the answers . Every incident , every parson has been linked to each other, has a definite role to play. We just have believe, on our intents, and karma and move on, taking each step graciously. Trusting every piece of our lives will lead to meaningful art, a masterpiece called life.
Cheers,
BY..THE WAY
Lying at your feet,
I laid my soul besides..
Warmth seeped from your open arms,
Cuddled around me
That night itched into me deeper,
Sound of your restless breath echoing,
When your energy met mine..
A dance of cosmos happened inside me,
It may seem like just another lustful act,
But if you know how love fills the heart.
You see it differently ...
Like when a thirsty river pours itself into vastness of ocean,
Candour explicitly provoked by each of us,
I thank Almighty to bless me with such bliss
.
कब बहा आँखो से ...
ज़बां पर आया तो कुछ खारा सा महसूस होता है ..
यूं तो शामिल नही थे खेल में किसी ..
पर आज कुछ हारा सा महसूस होता है ..
लोग़ जलते है देख कर हंसी मेरी
लोग़ जलते है देख कर हंसी मेरी ..
पर इल्म नही उनको
मुझे ख़ुद को कितना नकारा सा महसूस होता है ...
Book of short stories...incorrigible love smitten people
Initially everything seems so pleasant . Asking for pics, messages since morning till night, daily chitchat n all that lovey dovey stuff.
But like everything else, that feeling of excitement also subsides..
.fades away,eroding you slowly each day.
When you get into that easy phase, you feel you have gotten love of your life..that you always craved for.
Then comes the truth and that too doesnt come like a jolt.it creeps like an eerie snake under the door.You notice that awkwardness in tone or in messages but you shove off the feeling because you dont want to believe that you have lost it again.haha..a funny feeling indeed ..then you counter and then you lose it again.you sulk and crib and ponder.and accept finally and try to move on.End of a very short story. And now ,rather than becoming a novel you end up being an unpublished "Book of short stories.
BY..THE WAY
अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ,
ये अहसास भी ख़ुद में कितना सही है ..
पेहले लगता था कोई मेरे लिए भी कहीँ है ,
अब मैं ख़ुद में ही पूर्ण हूँ ,
औऱ शायद सच भी यही है ,
कि अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ..
आज़ भी वक्त पेहले ही है जैसा ,
मेरे हालात, मेरे जज्बात ,वही है
कोई दस्तक है देता तो भी मौन ही रहता है मन ,
पर अब, मन की आवाज़ सुनाई दे रही है ,
हाँ अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ,
औऱ ये अहसास भी अपने में कितना सही है ...
कितना वीराना सा लगता था सब कुछ ,
अब वीराना में लगता है सब कुछ,
औऱ जब सब कुछ पा ही लिया है ,
किसी से कोई तवक्कौ नही है ,
अब किसीका इन्तेजार नही है ,
ये अहसास सच में कितना सही है ..
तवक्कौ- expectation /hope
Copyrights@Babita Yadav2019
Amazingly ,I dont feel i have actually spent 47 years on this earth .I still feel the same all through these years.slight modifications in my behaviour but not an iota of change in my inner nature i.e soul.Soul doesn't get old.
Life is not about knowing "Life" , but about knowing "oneself.To know oneself is to know ones true nature.We sheepishly follow the rules laid by society.When we are kids we are free but as soon as we grow a little, our parents, teachers, friends start giving us so called Gyaan .Gradually to adjust or to "Fit in" we start giving up our true nature and behave the way we are programmed to.
A child during infancy has his "Tenth door" or crown chakra or "fontannel" opened up ..he still receives energy from higher conciousness but soon, it gets closed.The child is blissful always and euphoric ,ecstatic stage.Ever smiling and joyful .But , this connect is lost, he becomes worrisome, anxious and irritable.Now he is into all other nine openings but not at all receiving energy from "Dasam dwaar" ..the tenth door.
He forgets his true nature and becomes robotic.His emotions leafing him and emotions too are manipulated by people around and media .
To know yourself , get back atleast 10 years back in time .suppose you are of 40 years.go back when you were 30 years.Try to remember few major events of your life.flashed thorough your mind.and observe tbe way these incidents make u feel.write down the main points that come across your mind.
Now, go back 10 more years back when you were in 20s and try to remember how you were at that time.what made you excited n joyful.Take notes again ..feel te same way ..notice what emotions were dominant .
Then go back further 10 years and repeat..go back to the earliest memories of your childhood.( mostly people remember upto 2 or 2.5 years)
Now that you have taken note of your main events and also the feelings..you will notice something common in all these incidents .The inside of you..your inner self must have been consistent .Thats your soul which doesnt grow old...thats the true YOU.Tap into that feeling once again and nurture it.aStart doing these small things which made you happy and connected.And see how life turns out to be same .Fall into love with yourself once more.Dont be hopeful and wait till infinity, for hope according to me is begging for a promising future.Belive and trust have faith because faith is confidence.
Get up and be yourself ..dont follow the herd .
Amazingly ,I dont feel i have actually spent 47 years on this earth .I still feel the same all through these years.slight modifications in my behaviour but not an iota of change in my inner nature i.e soul.Soul doesn't get old.
Life is not about knowing "Life" , but about knowing "oneself.To know oneself is to know ones true nature.We sheepishly follow the rules laid by society.When we are kids we are free but as soon as we grow a little, our parents, teachers, friends start giving us so called Gyaan .Gradually to adjust or to "Fit in" we start giving up our true nature and behave the way we are programmed to.
A child during infancy has his "Tenth door" or crown chakra or frontal opened up ..he still receives energy from higher conciousness but soon, it gets closed.The child is blissful always and euphoric ,ecstatic stage.Ever smiling and joyful .But , this connect is lost, he becomes worrisome, anxious and irritable.Now he is into all other nine openings but not at all receiving energy from "Dasam dwaar" ..the tenth door.
He forgets his true nature and becomes robotic.His emotions leafing him and emotions too are manipulated by people around and media .
To know yourself , get back atleast 10 years back in time .suppose you are of 40 years.go back when you were 30 years.Try to remember few major events of your life.flashed thorough your mind.and observe tbe way these incidents make u feel.write down the main points that come across your mind.
Now, go back 10 more years back when you were in 20s and try to remember how you were at that time.what made you excited n joyful.Take notes again ..feel te same way ..notice what emotions were dominant .
Then go back further 10 years and repeat..go back to the earliest memories of your childhood.( mostly people remember upto 2 or 2.5 years)
Now that you have taken note of your main events and also the feelings..you will notice something common in all these incidents .The inside of you..your inner self must have been consistent .Thats your soul which doesnt grow old...thats the true YOU.Tap into that feeling once again and nurture it.aStart doing these small things which made you happy and connected.And see how life turns out to be same .Fall into love with yourself once more.Dont be hopeful and wait till infinity, for hope according to me is begging for a promising future.Belive and trust have faith because faith is confidence.
Get up and be yourself ..dont follow the herd .
Uhmm...where to start..
The way we met was strange ,not because we got to know each other through very doubtful platform,but because we now each other rather feel about each other at totally different levels.
Yeah,i know, what people might call it..mere attraction between two genders.Attraction definately has a role to play but when it goes beyond that its magic...plain magic.
Initial inhibitions,obvious control of expression due to past experiences, didnt let me open up .Although, one knows that he or she can believe or trust this relationship or not.
But consistency you showed and the way your vibrant energy overpowered my doubts was overwhelming.
I just couldn't stop myself from being candidly involved with you.And yes, eyes convey all.They say eyes are windows to ones soul.I say, they are the doorway to the soul and tge real you.Your eyes are more talkative than you actually are.Curious, naughty, seeking and very authentic pair of gleaming windows....I wish to gaze through and know you entirely .
You wont believe, how muçh blessed and fortunate i feel to have you.
'Fear of losing you' or 'if i am.desiring something i m not supposed to' feeling was there.Then i swept by flow n thats the only way probably.
"Wrong or right" no one can judge , except your own conciousness.If one is true to oneself thts enough.
Afterall, we are "Pawns" in the game called "God's chess" so let him play.I have surrendered as one of the pawns as "Queen of heart"and i know i have a fair chance to have you as my "King of heart".
Dripped, soaked in blissful loving warmth of yours for now..let me enjoy for a while until it lasts.
Uhmm...where to start..
The way we met was strange ,not because we got to know each other through very doubtful platform,but because we now each other rather feel about each other at totally different levels.
Yeah,i know, what people might call it..mere attraction between two genders.Attraction definately has a role to play but when it goes beyond that its magic...plain magic.
Initial inhibitions,obvious control of expression due to past experiences, didnt let me open up .Although, one knows that he or she can believe or trust this relationship or not.
But consistency you showed and the way your vibrant energy overpowered my doubts was overwhelming.
I just couldn't stop myself from being candidly involved with you.And yes, eyes convey all.They say eyes are windows to ones soul.I say, they are the doorway to the soul and tge real you.Your eyes are more talkative than you actually are.Curious, naughty, seeking and very authentic pair of gleaming windows....I wish to gaze through and know you entirely .
You wont believe, how muçh blessed and fortunate i feel to have you.
'Fear of losing you' or 'if i am.desiring something i m not supposed to' feeling was there.Then i swept by flow n thats the only way probably.
"Wrong or right" no one can judge , except your own conciousness.If one is true to oneself thts enough.
Afterall, we are "Pawns" in the game called "GODS PROWESS" so let him play.I have surrendered as one of the pawns as "Queen of heart"and i know i have a fair chance to have you as my "King of heart".
Dripped, soaked in blissful loving warmth of yours for now..let me enjoy for a while until it lasts.
Last week ,i decided to meet my friend my childhood friend.She been on leave these days n luckily me too .Its been almost an year we had met
,though we communicate daily through "good morning "message, the very first message on my watsapp.
Inspiration was the movie ""sonata",by Aparna sen , casting Shabana Azmi and Lillette Dubey .Beautiful short movie, about friendship of two lonely women.
At this stage of my age, i realised we seldom cherish most capable and soulful relations.We take such relation for granted ,rather, we should love and give time to.Perhaps because we know, these people will stay by us.We forget that unkempt yet most beautiful bushes in garden need a little water too.So thats how i messaged her n asked her to meet at a place nearby , next week. I was excited so i reached almost half an hour early and she arrived on time.
We ordered few delicacies ,chatted and poured our hearts out like two over excited teenagers.
Still the same, non judgmental(perhaps pretending to be as with time our values too change but anyhow accepting ),laughter and deepest secrets shared n yes off course ,memories of old days were the topics.
With our kids grown, we should take time for ourselves, As women, we hardly think that we are human too.
It was a marvellous evening,well spent one, discussing life's complexities yet realising that simple joys are potent elixir for such mundane life.
Meeting a friend ,after long can be therapeutic and refreshing .Making most for our lost time, we giggled like kids, feeling rejuvenated n young once more .
Looking forward for more such evenings or afternoons( who knows nights too😊).
Afterall life is short to sulk and crib.
Let's play childhood-childhood again.
आज़ एक ख्याल रह रह कर आया है ,
सिर्फ ज़िन्दगी में प्यार कमाया है..
पता नही क्यूँ मतलबी ना हो पाये ,
दुनियावाले दुनियादारी ना सिखा पाए,
"कुछ पाने के लिए" न कुछ कर पाये,
आंसू छलक गयें बीती यादो के लिए ,
ख़ुद को आज़ काफ़ी खाली पाया है ,
पर सिर्फ ज़िन्दगी में प्यार कमाया है ...
कभी बिना कारण किसी के हंसी बने ,
कभी कभी अपनो से मात भी खायी ,
पर "जीतने के लिए" कभी खेलना ना आया है,
आज़ ख़ुद को फिर अकेला पाया है ,
आज़ फिर ख्याल रह रह कर आया है ,
कि ज़िन्दगी में सिर्फ़ प्यार कमाया है...
क्या सोच कर आँखे है नम ?
क्या खुशियों के आगे ग़म पड़ गयें कम?
आज़ फ़िर मुस्कराहट सी है गयी तर,
आज़ फ़िर डूबा गया बीती बातों का भंवर ,
सब फ़िर रह रह कर याद आया है,
क्या करे ज़िंदगी में सिर्फ़ प्यार कमाया है ...
ख़ुद को बहुत अमीर सा महसूस हो रहा है,
दिल भी गद गद हो रहा है,
सरोबार सा क्यूँ इतना रो रहा है ,
सब लुट गया फ़िर भी शुक्रगुज़ार हो रहा है ,
आज़ एक ख्याल रह रह कर आया है ,
सिर्फ ज़िन्दगी में प्यार कमाया है ...
Copyrights reserved @Babita Yadav 2019
Finally..let go
Of all burdens of your mind..
Of memories of the beautiful bond
Of expectations n crazy ideas
Situation,people ,norms do get changed
So let go and let it unwind..
Rage boiling in you
For stabs at your back
By your own blood
Turning trust to dust
shattering feebly
Hollow smiles follow the grind..
Whom to believe, whom not to
Becomes a task
Tired of defying your belief n
Insomnia struck nights to haunt
Tranquillity smothered from behind..
Putting even "Brutus" to shame
"Plans"they call it
Tricking you in crafty game
You been mocked by those
whom you been always kind..
Like an overflowing urn
Copious foul thoughts
Let it flow and
let go
Of all burdens of your mind..
